Itty bitty cowboys, itsy bitsy ponies and chubby little lies

costco

I grabbed a gallon of milk, a pack of romaine lettuce and raced across the cement floor.

“Prescription for Hixson,” I said when I reached the pharmacy, “I faxed it over this afternoon.”

The woman at the counter took my Costco card and headed to the back. I leaned on my cart and waited and waited and waited some more.

I waited until my feet ached and my head pulsated with pain.

 

I just wanted to go home.

 

When I saw the clerk walking back empty handed, I knew. My prescription had not been filled.

“Sorry, somehow the fax got misplaced,” she said, “I’ll put a rush on it. “

 

The disappointment felt like a slap in the face. Tears filled my eyes.

Nothing ever works out for me, I thought as I steered my cart past tables of clothing and tall, glass units of frozen food. I had tutored all day, cleaned the college that night and now I was stuck in a warehouse store for who knows how long.

 

How long?

Those two words evolved into a detailed scan of my future. What if I ran out of students to tutor? What if I lost my cleaning job? What if I had no place to live when I was old?

The “what if’s” morphed into scenarios so dark they sapped my strength and squashed my hope like it was some kind of nasty bug.

 

I started to cry.

In the middle of my melt down I drifted to the book aisle. Pawing through the latest novels and recipe books always seemed to calm me down. This time I ended up thumbing through a self-help paperback.

 

Funny thing.

That night I actually learned something while sniveling in the middle of a warehouse store.

Just because thoughts come into your mind, it doesn’t mean you have to let them stay.

 

I know that the apostle Paul said “Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ”.

I was raised in the church. Heard all about it since I was a kid. Back then, I imagined itty bitty cowboys riding itsy bitsy ponies while they rounded up chubby little lies.

 

But, now I think I understand.

Fact is, I’m tired of crying in Costco every time my prescription doesn’t get filled.

I’m finished with exchanging the wonder of redemption for condemnation, the awe of almighty God for petty ideas.

And, don’t forget the beauty of forgiveness. Why should I trade it for a lie?

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2 thoughts on “Itty bitty cowboys, itsy bitsy ponies and chubby little lies

  1. Me too…
    I hate transition, as I go through all the worst scenarios…
    not wanting to be disappointed or hurt, I say or do stupid things.
    I build walls and cry inside them.
    Nice to know, I’m human!
    Much love Sista!

    1. oh mel, thanks for sharing your heart. Transitions are hard. they kind of strip away our securities we’ve built over the months of years. when I’m in transition or even away from my familiar surroundings I have some panic moments when I’m not sure I can do what I am there to do. I think that these times strip us down to who we really are…and if we look up we can see that God just loves us the way we are. you are making big changes in your life. No stagnating for you! Thanks for being who you are. Courageous and transparent. It is an awesome blessing to be your friend. Awesome.

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