It’s the longest running musical in the network of my mind. The loss of opportunities in the past. The certainty of devastation in the future.
Day after day I stare at the scenes conjured by my imagination and wonder
- What if I get sick and lose my job?
- What if my husband loses his?
- What if I lose my friends and all my family moves away?
I visualize running out of gas money. Eventually I move into some tiny little room with peeling wall paper and water stains all across the ceiling.
I know it sounds crazy, but it’s the world I’ve created in my head. My own Les Miserables without the soundtrack. A twilight Zone of hopeless starring me and me alone.
But, I’ve been doing this since I was a kid. Wondering when the end would come. Honestly? Daring to hope has always seemed presumptuous in such a crazy, messed up world.
Once again, when it came to figuring life, I’m wrong.
When everything crumbles, it isn’t cynicism, apathy or hate that survives. It’s not the darkness that triumphs in the end.
It’s faith, hope and love.