Belated Monday Morning Blog- Surviving an international worryfest in the middle of nowhere

(WARNING – this blog is filled with pics that may or may not have anything to do with anything…except I WAS THERE. Hope you enjoy.)

It’s been a tough week for blogging. This is mainly because I left my home and native land without my computer and

  • Flew nine hours
  • Drove down harrowing roads while an inner voice screamed “wrong side of the road”

Until we reached Homestead Manor just outside of Cuckfield village, West Sussex.

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I know, tough break.

My son, who lives and works at the manor, took me for a walk the day we arrived. Image

It was kind of like the English countryside’s version of cruising the hood. Serious stuff if you count the walls of stinging nettle we encountered in the forest. The trees formed a dense tunnel. On the other side, fields lay like emerald speed bumps as far as the eye could see.

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To make a long story short, that walk helped me beat jet lag. About 10 pm Brit time I crashed. Maybe it was the spicy chicken I had for supper at the Victory pub or maybe it was just using “jet” and “crash” in the same sentence.

Not sure.

All I know is that something woke me up early in the morning. I began to mull over the idea that I would be meeting my soon-to-be daughter-in-law’s parents for the first time in just a few hours. That led to wondering about the wedding, reception and a life time to follow of sharing our son with another family.

I started to sweat.

What if this family didn’t like us? We were not exactly upper crust Canadians. No way would we impress members of the British common wealth.  I suddenly wished I’d had time and money to buy nicer clothes. I wanted to stop the turning of the clock and lose a few pounds and somehow enhance my reclusive personality.

It was a full blown I’ve-got-to-quickly-become-something-I’m-not-in-order-to-survive panic attack.

Yes, I know it’s the same sad song I’ve sung before.

But, I still struggle. Every day. I struggle to see myself the way God sees me. I struggle to understand how He could love me when it’s hard to love myself. It’s hard to try and change myself to be what I think everyone else want’s me to be instead of what God has created me to be and do. Sometimes it’s near about impossible to believe that God delights to use someone like me to make a difference in this world. It’s hard to believe that His goodness is not held back by my middle-of-the-night worryfests.

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It takes faith to embrace that God is good, that there are endless possibilities and moments of wonder in the midst of the most confusing and imperfect of days.

Even in England.

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7 thoughts on “Belated Monday Morning Blog- Surviving an international worryfest in the middle of nowhere

  1. This is good stuff, honesty of soul in a time when most want to put on a good face for the big event. Jennifer and I love you Renée and I’m sure the in-laws will too. You can’t hide all the life and light that bubbles out behind a few insecurities. Once you relax and your wonderful laugh fills a room….friends for life. We’re so happy for you.

      1. I couldn’t have said it better, Willy. Friends forever….You really do have a wonderful light and life…and laugh, Renee. I love you too! And I love your photos and can’t wait to see more!

  2. So love your writing Renee. People(I) respond to your honesty and being real about life. I am praying that you can just relax. You are wonderful Renee!

  3. Beautiful blog Renee. Meeting the in laws not easy for sure. The blessing is having in laws who care enough about their child to be there! The downer we thought to come for Alyssa’s wedding was knowing that Ramiro’s parents would not be there having abandoned him when he was 4 do to their enslavement to drugs and alcohol. However we were blessed with the arrival of his aunt and uncle. The only one of his dads brothers who took a different route. He was the uncle who was always there for Ramiro. No drugs, no crime, stable loving couple. We had a wonderful time with them and became family with them. They are not saved but God has opened a door for the gospel through Ramiro. We hope to have a Mexican barbecue with them next year in berkley CA and meet more of Ramiro’s family. Thanks for your open heart and honesty. Love you and Denise. Have fun for rest of stay! So happy for Nathan. Ps miss Alyssa. She left today. She is excited and we are happy/sad.

  4. hey, I just read your comment on an old blog of mine, the one about Nate’s wedding. Thanks so much for your encouragment and for sharing your own “wedding” journey. Love you Jerry so much. You are such an important part of my life, you and lynette and your entire family. Love you guys!

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