Pathetic. Sappy, sloppy needy.
That’s how my day started.
I was feeling all fragmented inside because I
- missed my kids
- felt guilty for not having the time nor the ability to do all I thought I should do,
- just wanted to plop down on the ground and sob it all out.
While sniffling around the house, I decided that I would never become the person I longed to be – successful, competent, totally in control.
Better get all comfy. It’s time for one of those aren’t-you-glad-you’re-not-me confessions.
Lately, I’ve been buying into the illusion of fixer-upper perfection- literally. Every few weeks or so, I find myself punching in my credit card number to get the latest, greatest self-improvement program online. Any offer of social, psychological or even spiritual enhancement gets my attention. You can’t imagine what a hassle it is to cancel those miracle make-overs after you finally come to your senses. (Yikes. Wait until my husband tries to figure out our Visa bill.)
Truth is, we can’t buy our way out of flawed humanity.
We can fake it. Been there, done that. We can even deceive ourselves into thinking that we have somehow risen above all the scary, broken people around us.
But, in the end we all need Jesus.
That’s what surrender is all about. Letting go of our pitiful attempt to transform ourselves and letting God be everything. Our strength, our sanity, our righteousness.
It sure beats hiding the truth about ourselves –
- our struggling relationships,
- battles with depression
- the desperate loneliness that wakes us up in the middle of the night.
We are all messed up. Damaged in some way or another. No matter how hard we try to keep it all together, sometimes things just fall apart.
Consider Job. That guy had everything.
- Respect of his fellow man.
Then, everything was gone. Just. Like. That.
Folks figured Job would just curse God and die. But, he was no fool. Job knew where his strength came from.
“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return,” Job declared, “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”
So much for delusions of power and glory. It’s our desperation that drives us to God. When we cry out, He hears us.
That’s what matters.