I hate change.
Really, I do. Maybe that’s why the beginning of a new year is such downer for me. I could have curled up and hibernated in 2013 forever.
You should have seen me in Kindergarten. I usually hid out in the back yard while my sister headed out to school. If my grandpa hadn’t found me behind the bushes one morning I would have probably become some kind of self taught botanist or maybe a seriously illiterate cult leader.
Did I say I hate change?
I hate to say good by, start a new job, enroll in a new course, even a shift of schedule after the New Year. It’s like if I let go of something, anything, I’ll lose a part of my self and never get it back.
Don’t ask me to explain that one.
It’s just how I feel. And, how I feel is generally how I arrive at all my conclusions about change. It’s scary. Uncertain. Forboding (got love that dark and dangerous word). I just want everything to be exactly like it’s always been.
Life is all about change. Period. There are the good changes, bad changes, sad changes and the absolutely I-don’t-think-I’m-gonna-make-it-through this changes.
When I was 12 I used to climb in a barrel and have my brother give me a push. The barrel rolled down the steep hill in front of our house until it slammed into a tree or a sizable rock.
Not so bright. Me, not the barrel.
But, I shrieked with laughter all the way down.
Dealing with change is often like my barrel rides except I’m not laughing. I’m too terrified of the future. Each time, that’s what it boils down to, the future.
What if change ricochets me away from all that I’ve ever known?
Sometimes this really gets to me. Then, I remember the one constant in my life. And, no, it’s not the ugly hat that my husband brought back from Thailand and vows never to get rid of .
He never changes.
“Never will I leave you,” He said,
“never will I forsake you.”
Yeah, I still have my “change” issues. Nobody’s perfect. Well, God is. Perfect. Unchangeable. Everywhere.