If you measure me in song years, I’m pretty old.
For example, I remember singing about death and dying and the glory of God from the time I could formulate a sentence. Every Sunday my siblings and I mumbled out lyrics such as
“I’ll fly away, oh glory, I’ll fly away…when I die, Hallelujah…”
while mom banged on the piano keys at the front of the church. That was my childhood set to music. Waiting for the world to end.
When we sang A Mighty Fortress is Our God, we sang
That meant singing stuff like
Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also;
The body they may kill: God’s truth abideth still,
No wonder I spent Sunday afternoon contemplating my mortality instead of riding my bike. Life was short. My existence OBVIOUSLY very fragile. And the eternal unknown right around the corner.
It wasn’t until I was older, that I gained perspective. Sure, life was fragile. But God was constant. He would never let us drift into nothingness or suffer alone. I could depend on him every single day, until my dying breath.
Was I finally becoming wiser?
Not so much.
After decades of depending on God, I became anxious.
No more take-my-life-and-let-it-be stuff. Even praise songs such as Ten Thousand Reasons or Good, Good Father didn’t move me.
I needed something more.
Like owning my own home.
As I hit middle age I felt guilty that I had not contributed enough to the family income so that we could own our own home. I began to explore “what if” like what if we had inherited a small down payment or had been at the right moment at the right time for some incredible deal.
I admit it. Owning a home became a symbol of security for me. The golden payoff. The end goal.
God could take a long, long vacation. Why? Because we wouldn’t need Him anymore.
Fact is, we still rent. We still have to depend on God day after day after day. But, is that so bad? Not owning a home? Facing challenges? Loss? Struggles?
I realize now that needing God is not a weakness as much as it is an opportunity to cling to him in childlike faith.
I guess that ‘s the bottom line.
There is NOTHING wrong with owning a home, getting married, having kids, a great career, dreaming that big dream and watching it come true. But, if it takes the place of God we are in trouble.
God is the one who holds eternity in his hands. Our future. Our ever lasting home. Our job is to trust Him more and more each day. I love the way the song Oceans expresses our faith in God-
you call me out upon the waters,
the great alone where feet may fail
And there I find you in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand.
Our deepest needs call us to deepest truths. Our greatest desperation can begin a journey of discovery into the mysteries of faith.
We will always need God. And He will always be there.
No matter what.